Understanding is just the beginning

 

Myron and our son Brodie

Today on my “Thankful assignment” I posted that I am THANKFUL for the father of my son. I am saddened my story doesn’t have the happy ending, I regret we are not friends, but I am so THANKFUL for my marriage to this man. Without that union I would not have been blessed with the gift of my son, Brodie. Bitter…some days. Sad…of course. Hurt…continually. Regrets…a few. Thankful…always. Love…forever.

 

After the posting, I felt the need to write more.  It is a subject that has torn at my heart for almost 7 years.  This blog post isn’t about ripping apart my ex husband.  It’s more about trying to understand.  To the people who know our circumstances, my comment raised a few eyebrows.  “Why and how could I say that about a man who left me?” I was asked more than once.  It’s true that Brodie’s dad and I have a complicated relationship.  Actually, to be honest,  we have no relationship at all.  To this day I do not know the reason why.  It was a decision that he alone made. In his opinion, we have no reason to talk…ever.

I have always tried to honor his request, but I have never understood it.  There were so many times that I wanted his input on issues regarding his son and just stuff in general.   There are always two sides to every story and my story is no exception, but I never wanted to travel this road alone.

I always saw myself with the happy ending, the happily ever after, the forever and always, ’til death do us part kind of love.   I guess we all have that dream.  Does that mean that my marriage was perfect?  No, far from it.  However, I never expected my marriage to be perfect in the first place.  I knew there would be valleys, bumps in the road, and a few curve balls thrown in.

I guess we all have different hopes for our lives and I’m sorry I was such a disappointment to him.   I wish I could have been the woman of his dreams, but in this I obviously failed.  For whatever reason, another road has been paved for me.  Where it will lead I am not certain.  However, I know that God has the map, He is in the driver’s seat, and I’m just along for the ride.  I have to remind myself on occasion that God doesn’t need a backseat driver.  Giving up the reins has been the hardest part of this trip.

Today I am thankful for the father of my son .

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s