Night time is when it hits me. The pain, the loneliness, the hurt…the questions, the what ifs, the why? Isn’t it crafty how the devil can create such myths in our mind? The lies he plants in our subconscious to bring us down to wallow in our own self-pity is beyond comprehension at times. While I am wallowing, I recognize his deceit, yet I buy into it over and over.
Life is certainly not fair, but yet again, no one ever promised us it would be. I look around me each day and can see hurt and anguish etched in the faces of those I meet. I am blessed and I am fortunate, but still I want more. Why, you may ask? I think the answer is clear…my focus needs to be less on myself and more on others. Instead of placing my needs and focus in the forefront of my life, I need to push the needs of others to the front of my selfish mind. If I am to ever be more like Christ, I must learn to love like Christ. My worldly way of thinking must change to a heavenly way of thinking.
Ok, so I can recognize these faults, and I can recite what my game plan needs to be, but the big question is, “can I follow through?” I ask God almost daily to remove the thoughts that seem to occupy my lonely mind, but He reminds me that I still haven’t put my focus totally on Him. I take my eyes of the goal (God) and then I stumble. It’s a hard lesson I’m learning. It’s a mountain I’m still climbing. It’s an ocean I’m still trying to cross. The Lord has His hand outstretched just waiting for me to rely totally on Him. So simple, yet so difficult for me to do. For some unknown, ungodly reason, I repeatedly choose to dangle off the side of a cliff and not grasp the strong-arm of God.
Today I am thankful for the mountains that are put in my path.