What is it about giving our kids wings that scares us parents? Is it the loss of control, the letting go, or losing a part of our life that is gone?
All I have are theories and opinions to that question, but it is something I am struggling with at the moment. I love my role as mom. I can hear the comments now, “You will always be his mom,” and I understand that, but in a different sense. I have enjoyed watching my son grow into a young adult. It is exciting watching him mature, watching him experience new things, and becoming his own person. Yet, I yearn to go back to when he was younger, smaller, and well, needed me.
I loved waking my son in the morning with the words, “Time to rise and shine sunshine!” “Did you hear me?” “Answer me please!” I said, “IT’S TIME TO GET UP AND I MEAN IT THIS TIME!”
I loved stepping over Hot Wheels scattered across the floor, dodging GI Joe dolls swinging from the air vents and curtain rods, and digging rocks, and other finds out of his little wrangler jean pockets.
I loved yelling, “Don’t use all the hot water!” “Have you brushed your teeth?” and “Did you make your bed?” I delighted in saying the words, “Put the toilet seat down, pick up your socks and who left the milk out?”
I got a thrill out of taking him to school each morning and picking him up each afternoon. I had him captive. I had his full attention…I had him in a moving car and he couldn’t escape. Some of our best conversations were held in the car over a happy meal from McDonald’s or a Dairy Queen Oreo blizzard.
I’ll be honest, I’m not handling this empty nest thing very good. It has left me feeling…well, empty. I recognize this is just part of the circle of life. I understand that I am not the only mother suffering from the blues. I also don’t want my son to be hanging on my skirt when he’s 30 years old. I want him to branch out, to explore, and to dream, but I just wish this growing up part hadn’t happened so fast. I wish I could freeze time. I wish I could do it over again. I guess you could say I want reruns!
Today I am thankful I have heard my son’s voice say my favorite word…”Mom.”