Much of my writings tend to be about my divorce. In the beginning that really wasn’t my intention, but the divorce affected me in a tremendous way. As a result, much of what I feel and describe is a result of the transitions I am going through and experiencing.
Divorce was not something that was common in my family background. I had one aunt that went through a divorce late in life, but other than that, divorce was something that happened in other families. Even my friends at the time were still married to their original spouses.
In other words, divorce was like a foreign language to me. It was like walking through unchartered territory. It was like sailing without a sail or rowing a boat without an oar. I was lost. On certain days, I still feel that way.
When I write about these things, I’m not wanting the reader’s sympathy, I’m not seeking pity, and I’m not portraying myself as a victim. I am merely divulging the range of emotions that are running through my veins.
I have been divorced for 7 years now, but it still feels new to me. My divorce has been my biggest disappointment in life because it went against everything I believed. There are days I feel tarnished, used, and unlovable… like I was tossed out with yesterday’s trash. Other days I feel like a worn out pair of shoes, an unmade bed, or a sock with a hole in the toe.
On the positive side, I get stronger with each hurdle. I grow wiser after each battle. I feel happier with each passing day. I am beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel.
If someone can relate to my state of mind, can connect with a reaction of a similar emotion, or feel like they are not alone in their pain and loneliness, then my writings have a purpose and a significance.
Today I am thankful for the good years of my marriage…it wasn’t all bad.